My greatest wish: To forget

To my Romeo

“I love you”

Those were the three words I never got to say. Maybe it's because I feared that the feeling wasn't magnitudinally mutual or because my past experiences taught me the harsh lesson of not saying those three words too soon.

I have never read the actual story of Romeo and Julliet, but I somehow know that you were my Romeo.

But now that it is all over, I am begging my God to erase all the memories I have lingering in my confused and crowded mind.

Romeo, I really want to forget you.

I want to forget how I looked into your eyes, your beautifully placed almond eyes, and wished that I'd have you forever.

I want to forget how I'd lean in for a kiss, not because I wanted to initiate the ‘nasty’ but because of how overpowered I was. I was overpowered by the love I had for you. Overpowered by your aura that I had to submit to you by the feel of your lips.

I want to forget how lost I'd get in those lusciously passionate kisses that I'd have a struggle to open my eyes afterwards.

I want to forget how I'd kiss your big muscular back before running my fingers through it, to release the tension off your rhomboids and deltoids in the name of a massage, hoping you'd at least feel the love I had for you through my little fingers and through my cut and tidy nails.

Did you see the love? Did you at least feel it my Romeo?

The very love that left me a mess. The very love that left my heart feeling like a minefield. Oh! My angsty little heart. The very love that left my mind feeling like a freaking nut-house. Let me out!

I want to forget how you'd “listen to my needs more than anything ,” as you once told me.

I want to forget how you bothered to get me all my period cravings.

Why would you do all this just to let go in the end? I want to forget it all.

I want to forget how I looked at you while we were standing outside the convenience store and you immediately knew that I wanted something from the store. I want to forget how you held my hand, into the store, and told me to pick whatever I wanted.

Just to let go? What the hell is wrong with this world?

I want to forget how you asked me to teach you how to open and close the clasp of my waist beads. The very waist beads that hung gracefully on the waist that you held so tightly.

Was it a decoy? Tell me. I want to know.

I want to forget all the times you called me gorgeous, making my skin flush hot because of the excitement you brewed in me.

I want to surrender all these tiring thoughts. They tire me because of the tears that gush out of my eyes. I might as well go into a hypovolemic shock. Ugh!

In all honesty, I am cognisant of the fact that we were never meant to be. I knew it at the back of my mind. I'd see it written in the sky. I knew God didn't want you for me. I knew it all. But at least we got to experience the thrill of a short-lived love story, whose epilogue forever remains: I let go against my will, but with love.

To my found, then lost Romeo.